When Motherhood Triggers the Past: Healing the Wounded Inner Child

Dr. MJ Yang
Jun 1
5 min read

When I sit with mothers in therapy, it's not uncommon for them to begin talking about their own childhoods while sharing their experiences of motherhood. Sometimes these memories surface gently; other times, they come rushing in with emotional intensity. Often, what emerges are old wounds that have been buried or overlooked for years—unmet needs, emotional neglect, or early experiences of feeling unseen or unheard.

What becomes clear is that their reactions to their children aren't always about the present moment. Instead, those responses are often colored by unresolved feelings from their own early years. In these moments, the wounded inner child within them is stirred—and she's looking for attention, comfort, and care.

Motherhood, for many, is a profound life transition. But it doesn’t automatically heal the past. In fact, it often brings that past right back to the surface.

This post is written with deep compassion for those mothers. It’s an invitation to develop awareness—not to blame, but to gently uncover the inner dynamics at play and begin the journey of tending to yourself with the same care you offer your child.

Understanding the Inner Child Through a Jungian Lens

The idea of the "inner child" refers to the younger parts of ourselves that carry early emotional experiences—especially those that were never fully processed. These can include feelings of abandonment, shame, longing, or fear, as well as unmet developmental needs for love, protection, and connection.

In Jungian psychology, healing involves a process called individuation—the journey of integrating different parts of ourselves, both conscious and unconscious, into a more whole and authentic self. The inner child is one of those essential parts. When we don’t attend to her, she may continue to seek attention in ways we don’t fully understand—especially when we're under stress.

Motherhood, with its intensity and emotional demands, often brings the inner child into sharper focus. It’s not just your baby needing care—it’s also the tender part of you that still longs for soothing, safety, and recognition.

When the Baby Triggers the Inner Child in Motherhood

A crying baby can stir something deeper than frustration—it might awaken a part of you that remembers not being comforted when you cried. Sleepless nights or the pressure to “do it right” might ignite feelings of failure that have long been simmering beneath the surface. Even feelings of resentment or emotional withdrawal may be echoes of your own unmet needs.

These responses don’t make you a bad mother. They are clues.

Your inner child may be saying, “This is hard for me,” or “I never got what I needed, and now I don’t know how to give it.”

These reactions are not shameful—they are deeply human. And they deserve compassion.

Projection in the Mother-Child Relationship

Projection is what happens when we unconsciously place parts of ourselves onto someone else.

In motherhood, this often means projecting unhealed aspects of ourselves onto our children.

You might notice yourself feeling hurt when your baby pushes you away, as though they’re rejecting you—not just in the moment, but at your core. Or you might find yourself overcompensating, trying to be the perfect parent, because a part of you is still trying to earn love you didn’t receive as a child.

When we begin to recognize these projections, we create space to relate to our child more clearly and lovingly—and to tend to our own unmet needs in healthier ways.

Signs the Inner Child Needs Attention

Some signs that your inner child may be activated:

You react strongly to small parenting challenges.
You carry intense guilt or fear of not being “good enough.”
You hear an internal critical voice that mimics the harshness you may have experienced growing up.
You feel emotionally shut down, isolated, or fantasize about escape.
You feel a deep longing to be seen, held, or supported.

These are not weaknesses. They are emotional signals—your inner child reaching out, asking to be noticed.

Ways to Care for the Inner Child While Caring for a Baby

Motherhood doesn’t leave a lot of spare time or energy, but caring for your inner child doesn’t require grand gestures. It begins with intention.

Listen in: Ask yourself gently, “What is my inner child trying to say right now?”
Respond with care: This might look like journaling, drawing, talking aloud, or placing a hand over your heart and offering soothing words.
Create moments of comfort: Drink tea from your favorite mug. Wrap yourself in something soft. Practice meditation or breathing with your headphone on.
Reclaim a moment of play: Dance to music you loved as a child. Doodle without purpose. Let yourself be silly.
Ask: “What did I need back then that I didn’t get? Can I offer a bit of that to myself now?”

These moments, though small, begin to build a new relationship between you and your inner child.

Developing the Inner Mother to Yourself

One of the most powerful steps in healing is to begin nurturing your symbolic inner mother (the mother archetype). In Jungian thought, this is not your actual mother—but an inner figure who represents protection, warmth, and unconditional love.

For many mothers, this isn’t easy. If you didn’t have a loving, reliable mother figure growing up, you may not know what that nurturing voice sounds like. Instead, the voice you carry may be critical, demanding, or cold—an echo of the messages you once received. That voice can become the default authority in your inner world, whispering (or shouting) that you’re never enough.

But here is the hope: the nurturing inner mother can be developed. Slowly, through conscious practice, and often with the support of therapy, this inner voice can begin to shift.

Therapy can offer a corrective emotional experience—where you are heard, held, and affirmed in ways you may never have been before. This new experience doesn’t erase the past, but it plants the seeds for a different internal relationship to grow.

Over time, your inner mother begins to emerge—not perfectly, but powerfully.

She becomes the one who can reassure your inner child: “I see you. I’m here for you. You matter.”